This is a difficult thing for me to write about, but I need away to express myself. Suffering from depression and anxiety for the last year or so, has pretty much crippled my potential and progress in life.
The biggest thing on my mind being that I ain't worth shit, and my experience in life backs it up.
The constant daily feeling of having your emotions and brains blown out is torture. But this has forced me to look deep within myself for solutions.
Living in a society and culture where pretty much your journey(job, relationships etc) is judged by the approval of others is a very unhelpful state of mind.
Long story short instead of fighting all this shit, I decided to start embracing it.
When I start to feel bad I would just sit there and embrace the pain, and gladly accept it as part of lifes myrid of experiences, and the best thing about it is that it is all mine, fuck yeah. When ever some reminds me of my faults, I just think to myself hell yeah, as I know what they are saying about a moment in time, not me just being.
Same thing with my faults and so called short comings, I embrace them, that is me, it is my expression in life. But none of that defines me, they are just an expression.
All this removes power from external sources, and pretty much kills approval seeking from everyone.
I'm working on knowing what I really want in life, it does not matter if I don't have it right now.
Being present and embracing each subtle experience and feeling good or bad is liberating. Even more power is embracing the fact that I could be dead at any time, so all that shit that causes negative states of mind means fuck all.
I know that I'm not the most skilled, smartest, I know that I don't have what other people consider to be a good life like friends, relationships, good job, etc. But my only score card of life now is if I can look at today and say did I really feel life in the moment?
My depression and anxiety are far from gone, but each day I chip away at the negative state of being and in time before I know it I will be fearless.
The biggest thing on my mind being that I ain't worth shit, and my experience in life backs it up.
The constant daily feeling of having your emotions and brains blown out is torture. But this has forced me to look deep within myself for solutions.
Living in a society and culture where pretty much your journey(job, relationships etc) is judged by the approval of others is a very unhelpful state of mind.
Long story short instead of fighting all this shit, I decided to start embracing it.
When I start to feel bad I would just sit there and embrace the pain, and gladly accept it as part of lifes myrid of experiences, and the best thing about it is that it is all mine, fuck yeah. When ever some reminds me of my faults, I just think to myself hell yeah, as I know what they are saying about a moment in time, not me just being.
Same thing with my faults and so called short comings, I embrace them, that is me, it is my expression in life. But none of that defines me, they are just an expression.
All this removes power from external sources, and pretty much kills approval seeking from everyone.
I'm working on knowing what I really want in life, it does not matter if I don't have it right now.
Being present and embracing each subtle experience and feeling good or bad is liberating. Even more power is embracing the fact that I could be dead at any time, so all that shit that causes negative states of mind means fuck all.
I know that I'm not the most skilled, smartest, I know that I don't have what other people consider to be a good life like friends, relationships, good job, etc. But my only score card of life now is if I can look at today and say did I really feel life in the moment?
My depression and anxiety are far from gone, but each day I chip away at the negative state of being and in time before I know it I will be fearless.